There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
