Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
