Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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