Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
