i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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