just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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