I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
