Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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