hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
BRING THE BAGELS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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