too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
