All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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