I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
