I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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