I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
