Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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