I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
