No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
