I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
