Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
