That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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