I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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