I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
