I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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