my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
