Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
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shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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