never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
