I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
