It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
