My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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