Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
