problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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