well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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