these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
