i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
