You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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