Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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