billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
