what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
