this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
