I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
