Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
