Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
