Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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