i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
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I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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