glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
