the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am available for nakedness
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
