It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
