dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
