He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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