Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
