You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
