we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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