Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You should frame my arrest warrant.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
