I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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