just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
