I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
