The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
