everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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