He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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