Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
