I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am one with the molecules
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
