Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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