did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
