i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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