no, he came in my armpit
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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