Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
