TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
