Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he shaved USA in his pubs
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
