At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
