I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
