Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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