I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
God, I missed his penis.
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