return my video game
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
