Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
