So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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