Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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