I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
