The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
