DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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